The Island Shoe Girl's Blog

There are phone calls and emails that you dread to receive.  More frightening than opening an email with a spam attachment is getting an email from a friend with a serious boyfriend and the subject line reads “big news!!!!”  One single girl’s big news is another girl’s dread.  No, it is not the prospect of being alone, finding a wedding date, or the embarrassing age-old method of humiliation—the bouquet toss—that causes cold sweats and fear; it is the bridesmaid role that causes dismay.  Shortly after our initial joy for our friend’s happiness comes our despair that we are on the cusp of bridesmaid-ism.  

For the most part, the actual thought behind the bridesmaid role is one of respect; the original notion is that you are standing up for your friend and the love of her life.  It is an honor and I say that with complete sincerity.  The selection of the bridal party on both the bride and groom’s part should be done with the thought that reflects this honor and less with the thought of how this group will look in a silver framed photograph for generations to come.  More than likely this photograph will be replaced by pictures of other events in the couple’s life such as children. Years later, looking back at old family photos, the bridal party never looks that happy.

Even the most thoughtful bride going through the process of selecting her closest friends will eventually forget that she chose these women because they are the girls who shared their chocolate milk in grade school, were her bunk mate at summer camp, cried with her when a homecoming date kissed another girl, and will still stay up all night talking about boys in person or via cell phone.  No, all those moments of growth and sacrifice fly out of her pretty little wedding-infested mind.  As her brain oozes out her ear and is replaced with wedding jargon and babble, she will forget all that her friends have done for her and only remember her color choices despite that fact that NO ONE looks good in baby pink. 

Yes, forget the promise she made on Margarita Monday at Chili’s years ago that when she got married and I quote, “I am totally letting my bridesmaids wear whatever they want as long as you are sexy as hell!” Moments later, she puked in the parking lot and—like a good friend—you held her hair.  And like a good friend you will not bring up that promise despite the layers of tulle and taffeta that will soon answer the age-old question, “How big can a bow make your butt look?”  Your friend has been replaced… mourn her loss briefly and hope to meet her on the other side.  Just know that your once stylish, “I only wear Jimmy Choos” friend will have you dying shoes to match that color which is not exactly vomit, but it’s definitely the first thought you had.

For every bride who has asked me to stand up and support her commitment to another, I have gladly zipped into a stiff dress and even worn panty hose.  I have stood in un-air-conditioned churches in August for full Catholic ceremonies.  I have crawled up inside of wedding dresses to help hook and secure trains.  I have balanced up-dos and painted my nails to match (exactly) five other girls’ nails.  I have toasted on the spur of the moment, done the hokey pokey (isn’t that what this day is all about?), danced with drunken groomsmen and been the drunken bridesmaid.  I have barely made it onto my flight home, still tipsy from the reception. 

Why?  Because I am a bridesmaid and that chick in the white dress is my friend.  She helped me open my locker combination in the seventh grade, shared my bunk at summer camp, and always was there for a 3:00 a.m. phone call whether I was falling in or out of love.  And someday I hope my friend will come back to me; sometime on her flight to her honeymoon she will snap out of it, bolt upright spilling her airline peanuts and shout, “I promised her a sexy black dress and delivered a petticoat… damn near hoop skirt!”  The first call or email she makes will be to me with thanks for being the friend who can see through her bridal trance to the ‘real’ person she is.  Or at least that is what happens in our perfect world, more than likely she will not—but you still forgive her all the same. 

At the end of the wedding rush, when the last bridal demand is made, we look at our friend walking down the aisle and see not a crazed maniac who moments ago almost made a florist eat a slightly off-color rose.  Instead you will see a woman entering one of the most important agreements of her life.   You will see the moment that all those high school dances, broken hearts, and first date recaps were leading to.  You will smile, you will cry, you will think she never looked lovelier.  In that moment you will remember the honor of being a bridesmaid. 

The dress may remain in your closet for decades as part of your bridesmaid museum; the shoes will certainly never be worn again; and in truth the groom may be replaced before you toss either.   But your bride and you can rest assured that whether the future means babies, first homes, or second chances you will be there for each other…even if that means wearing a second bridesmaid dress for her.  It’s just what you do for the greatest friend in the world.  

The Island Shoe Girl and her brother Dan share a dance at his wedding this weekend, Congrats Dan and Erin on finding each other and a wonderful wedding.