The Island Shoe Girl's Blog

It takes patience and great shoes, like these Michael Kors' platforms to navigate life. Photo by Jean Thornton.

On a Sunday afternoon I catch myself giving a self-imposed evaluation of what have I learned lately.  The results are frightening.  As an adult my self-education is more disappointing than my Spanish grades were in high school.  There are many familiar old areas of failure: my checkbook shows that my math skills have remained stalled as there is a general disagreement between the bank’s definition of “balanced” and my own.  When it comes to decimal points, it is best to let someone else move those annoying little dots. 

My knowledge of sports has actually become worse during recent years.  It could be that the island I live on is generally not interested in sporting events.  On a college football Saturday I watch “fans” of the competing teams take cigarette breaks during the game outside the local sports bar, dressed in jerseys, knee high stripped socks, and hats done in jarring team colors.  I have never understood how fans with horribly tacky fashion make a player compete better. 

As to the skills pressed upon me in Home Economics, such as maintaining a cleaning “schedule” I can move my housekeeping skills into the “needs improvement” column of my adult report card.  In the realm of cooking, being a student of Ohio cuisine enables me to make a meal based around a Crockpot and cream of mushroom soup in my sleep or a cheesecake that would make Jenny Craig cry.  But beyond that my skills are limited.  Give me a filet of fish and I would not have clue what to do with it.  It’s like that old saying, “Give a shoe girl a fish; she’ll give you a dirty look.  Teach a shoe girl to fish; she’ll break your pole.”

Despite my many inadequacies, I can list a few things where I excel.  I can multitask—wrangling my Jack Russell’s leash with one hand while talking on the cell phone during a walk.  I cannot pair wines to multi-course meals, but I can make witty banter over cosmos with a stranger just as easily as I can with a close friend.   I can not remember the name of my insurance company, but I can tell you the last ten pairs of heels I bought.  Bring your shoe troubles to me and I can show you how a silver stiletto can be the splash your outfit needs! 

 And I can drive in platforms!  Laugh if you want at this talent, but strap a block of wood to your feet and see how quickly you jump the curb or worse yet, the bumper of another car.  I am a master of the road in platforms; I know when to apply less to the gas or more to the brakes.  I can adjust the slant of my foot without awkwardness or discomfort.  While some complain about moving their seat the slightest bit, it is just part of driving with the multitude of shoes that find their way onto my feet.  

When you think about it, driving in platforms is a lot like life—sometimes you have to adjust the amount of pressure applied to a situation.  Sometimes you have to give yourself a little more room for the sake of safety.  You always have to wear your safety belt and be prepared for a sudden stop or to pull over and park yourself when you need a rest.  If you can parallel park in platforms, you can handle just about any maneuver that life gives you.  

Maybe knowing how to drive in platforms is the key knowing how to handle the many obstacles that present themselves in adult life.  While maneuvering the many types of relationship roadblocks may not be something taught in high school courses, it could be said driving in platforms has taught me how to manage my love affair with shoes and the reality of life.  Sometimes to survive the road trip of love you have to pull over and take a break or take your foot of the acceleration, after enjoying the view from slow drives are half the fun—how can you window shop if you are speeding by.  And while being able to drive in platforms may not save me from all the heart ache or blisters, it certainly has made me appreciate the passengers I travel with. 

 There are many things I am still trying to learn.   One day my bank and I will actually agree on my checking balance; some day I will learn how to cook something other than spaghetti, I will not go as far as saying I will support a sporting team with bad fashion choices.   But I don’t fear learning new things; if I can learn to drive in platforms then maybe I shouldn’t give up on mastering long division just yet.