The Island Shoe Girl's Blog

Where shoes meet sand…

Shoe Psychosis January 22, 2012

Filed under: Its All About the Shoes — theislandshoegirl @ 9:53 am
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Who wouldn't go crazy with shoes like these? Photo by Jean Thornton.

Ever see a pair of heels that make you say, “I want to put you on my feet and wear you now?”  I do—almost every time I see a pair of amazing heels.  If there is a Casedia sale on Ruelala.com all I can think is ‘I want to put you on my feet’.  When an email lands in my inbox boosting a shoe sale at Niemen Marcus Last Call, my toes curl with anticipation.  Heaven forbid if I find myself in the clearance room of a department store shoe section—I can turn into a real stiletto-psychopath.  Another shopper might politely ask if I am done with a pair of shoes and I have to edit my natural urge to explain I am not done with the entire rack and who said she could come in this room anyway!

It’s like I have OCD or OCSS (Obsessive Compulsive Shoe Shopping); I never ever get enough.  Most people reserve the phrase “took my breath away” for the first time they see a spouse or their child.  Me, I use it to describe how I feel when I am near designer shoes.   No matter how hard I try to control my desires, I find myself frequently out of control.  This is a realization I came to during the post-holiday season sales after calculating my total shoe intake in less then 3 weeks as 12 pairs.  Apparently this is more shoes than most people buy all year. 

I have no will power when I am faced with rows upon rows of stilettos, pumps, wedges, and sling-backs all calling my name from their cozy shoeboxes.  They beckon me to just try them on, no commitment, no promises to buy…just slip them on for a minute and see how they feel.  See how their arches feel against the bottom of my foot.  See how their leather straps wrap around my ankles.  See how they would complement every single piece of clothing that I own or could ever desire to own. 

These little shoe voices whisper softly in my ear, “oh we go together so well.”  And I am left breathless by how right those shoes are.  I am also frequently forced to live on a shoe string budget because of those same shoes… oh the irony of a girl who hates tennis shoes to be forced to live on a budget named after them!   Perhaps these little shoe voices could get me a diagnosis of shoe-schizophrenia.  But who would want a cure for an infliction that makes my toes look oh so good?

I might honestly have an unknown shoe psychosis that has yet to be acknowledged by the American Psychological Association or the Diagnostic Manual’s latest edition.  Treatment option could be limited; group therapy would probably only fuel my habits.  A group of women sitting around talking about shoes… yeah, that’s helping—especially if they are a similar shoe size.  I couldn’t face  treatment from a therapist with bad shoes. And electroshock therapy would likely only make my hair frizzy.  There might be prescription medications that could help control these urges, but what if they had unpleasant side effects like not wanting to buy shoes? 

Thus I find there is no hope for me except to continue to manage my illness the best way I know how.  With more shoes of course!  Some might say I am shoe crazy, but I wonder if maybe you are in a shoe depressive state of sorts.   Maybe the whole world is insane from lack of shoes and my fellow shoe lovers and I are the only truly “normal” ones. 

Okay, I am pushing it.  I can hear groans of disgust through your computer screens as you read this.  Luckily for me I let the voices of my shoes drown out the voices of my detractors.  So I seek comfort in my shoe closet where the voices say, “We are so glad you brought us home…you should go back to the store and get a few more of our friends.”

 

Occupy Shoes January 1, 2012

Filed under: Its All About the Shoes — theislandshoegirl @ 2:43 pm
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Nobody better try to protest these shoes. Photo by Jean Thornton.

I had a terrifying thought the other day and it has caused me some great concern.  Now I am not one to push a political agenda on this blog unless that agenda has to do with banning Uggs.  I believe that a ballot box is where those issues most belong and if you don’t have the time to vote, I don’t have the time to listen to you.  But I have to admit that I am one to voice an opinion when requested or amongst friends. 

However, my fear has to do with The Occupy Movement.  See, I had a brief flash of terror when I thought this movement might spread to my shoe closet.  I figure I just might be in the 1% of shoe owners (please note that this is the only 1% I am in) and what if the other 99% of shoe owners decide that they should have some of my shoes?  Could the other 99% of shoe owners see my shoe collection as an unequal distribution of shoes?

If Occupy Shoes continues to gain momentum I might wake up one day to find protestors occupying my shoe closet.  They might be marching around carrying signs that read “We are the 99% who wear flat shoes.”  A group wearing Birkenstock sandals might set up a drum circle near my designer heels, while another cluster begins one of those annoying chants where everyone repeats what the leader says. 

Having a group of protestors in my shoe closet would surely drive my dog crazy, not to mention put a serious strain on the one bathroom in my apartment.  My landlord might not be too happy either as the extra traffic could cause unintentional damage.  Plus my apartment is a place where you can relax quietly, read a book, or perhaps toss a tennis ball to my dog.  I would likely have to remove the Occupy Shoes protestors; of course I am not violent but I might have to spray Febreze on them to get them out.  I am sure that somewhere along the way I will have to give a press conference explaining that, while I support everyone’s right to shoes, blocking my right to shoes is not the way to go about it. 

I of course believe everyone has a right to shoes, I don’t think that in our society, which is so shoe rich, that anybody should be barefoot.  Yet at the same time I have to point out that I paid for all of my shoes.  I worked many hours for my shoe collection, sometimes working two jobs just to get a pair of Manolo Blahnik’s. I was not born with a silver shoe on my feet.  My parents did not own a shoe store which I had unending access to; I only had hard work to get my feet in shoes.  So why all the sudden am I supposed to share my shoe wealth with others who perhaps have never worked a 12 hour shift just to buy Prada pumps?

Yes, I understand that very little in life is free (except living in a park apparently) and it can be expected that a person might gather some financial baggage along the way.  While financial baggage might not be as cute a Kate Spade tote, it does not mean you don’t have carry it.  If you earned a college degree you cannot cry foul if that degree does not come with a six figure salary that makes your student loans magically disappear in a year.  And if you earned a college degree in something that does not have a corresponding career field, may I suggest looking into a wait service job in the meantime.  I am sure you are working on the great American novel, but until then you can recite the specials.   

I don’t mean to sound harsh and uncaring.  I do care. I care a lot which is why I work at a job where I actually get to the change my community and the lives of others.  I do this by helping people find work, teaching them how to budget and manage their money, and hopefully they will be prepared for the hard times ahead.  And I hope that they will be able to buy as many shoes as they can afford to.  Those that I help might not be able to make it into the top 1%, but they surely will not stay in the bottom 1%.

Dear Occupy Movement, please do not occupy my shoe closet.  I might be in the top 1% of shoes but I got here the old fashioned way… a lot of hard work and waiting patiently to earn to earn my shoes.  And if you still think you should occupy my shoe closet a word of caution: I have been wearing heels my entire life and I can stand in stilettos much longer than you can.

 

Skip This Ad December 4, 2011

Filed under: Common Sense in Unsensible Shoes — theislandshoegirl @ 9:05 am
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Who would skip an ad for these fabulous heels? Photo by Jean Thornton

As a die-hard fashion lover, I digest my fair share of fashionable reading.  It ranges from glossy-paged magazines, to biographies on designers, to blogs, to online magazines and newspapers that proclaim to be the end all guide for all of my fashion needs.  All of these fashion sources have a cost and some have a significant amount of advertisement.  Now I love a shoe advertisement probably far more than the next girl, but some of these ads are simply out of control.

I understand completely that nothing comes for free.   There is no free ride on the catwalk of life and delivering fashion insight and news is certainly no exception.  But at times I feel that these ads have spiraled out of control.  No matter if I am reading—the Fashion section of the New York Times or skimming a website—it seems that I cannot avoid an advertiser intruding on my pleasure time. 

When it comes to magazines I will gladly pay a price to have fashion at my finger tips, ready whenever I need it whether that be on a plane, on a train, or while waiting for a doctor’s appointment.  Tell me as many times as you want about the convenience of an electronic book, you will not win over this lover of pages.  It’s like telling me to wear a ballet flat; sorry, I am a stiletto girl and there’s no way around it.  Just the same, I am a real live paper-between-my-fingers girl.  (Plus, I think one of the most stylish accessories is a book cover that reveals a little bit about its reader.)

The advantage of advertisements in print is the ease with which one can choose to stop and observe or move along.  Some fashion advertisements are as informative, thought provoking, and attractive as some articles and photo spreads in those same magazines.  There is also the added bonus of being able to fold down a corner on the ad for those new Prada pumps with a casually scribbled shoe size for subtle birthday shopping hints. 

As a little girl I loved newspaper ads.  I would sprawl on the family room floor each Sunday and look through all the shopping flyers that were stuffed inside our Sunday paper, planning an imaginary shopping trip to my favorite stores.  Of course as an adult many times these are still imaginary trips since living on a mall-less island prevents such weekend shopping sprees.  Yet, these advertisements fuel my luxury-filled dreams. 

But in today’s online world, the happy web surfer is bombarded with advertisements.  Try to read a story online about Elizabeth Taylor’s Estate Auction and you’ll find yourself bidding on ways to avoid pop-up ads.  Some of the pop-ups even have pop-ups!  One advertisement blocking my view had the nerve to say “your requested video will play in 5 seconds” as it download an unwanted image onto my screen.  My requested video!  When did I click the “annoy me with advertisements” box?

Not only do these advertisements insert themselves into my online life, they almost stalk me across the World Wide Web.  Look at a Kate Spade bag online this morning but don’t be shocked if an ad for it lingers along the side of your inbox while you check your email.  And that cute little clutch just might follow you to your favorite gossip site as well.  Next thing you know that bag is stalking you when you Google driving directions. 

Perhaps these advertisements wouldn’t be so frustrating if some sites did not limit your time without a subscription.  So after clicking “skip this ad” twenty times while trying to read up on this winter’s scarf trends, you get a notice that says, “Your free views have been exceeded for the month, click here to subscribe for unlimited access.”  And thus another advertisement has blocked me from my supposedly free reading.  Of course if you add up all the time I spent clicking ‘close’, ‘skip this ad’, or suffering through an annoying advertisement for something I don’t really want, I have more than paid for the pleasure of reading that article. 

Thus a shoe girl like me resorts back to good old-fashioned….fashion magazines.  Sure there are still advertisements and I run the risk of paper cuts, but at least I can drool over Chanel mules without a pop-up advertisement offering to tell me the meaning of my name.  The only name I want to know the meaning of is the one stamped on the soles of my stilettos.  And that you can advertise!

 

How to Survive in Stilettos November 6, 2011

Filed under: Its All About the Shoes — theislandshoegirl @ 9:45 am
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It's survival of the fittest in these LAMB stilettos. Photo by Jean Thornton

They say that in moments of true emergency we are overcome with the unique ability to survive…but what about our shoes?  Occasionally I am asked about various shoe survival strategies.  Whether it’s avoiding blisters or how to walk in sand with heels, there is clearly a need for a guide to surviving life’s less shoe-friendly moments.  This week a reader emailed me asking my opinion on a film clip of women fleeing a sinking boat into shark infested waters.  Along the way at least one lost her shoes, begging the question how do your shoes survive an emergency?  Remember, I am only a professional shoe wearer, not a professional survival guide.

How to Survive a Bear Attack in Stilettos:

Even in the best of situations, out running a bear is unlikely and not advised.  In stilettos it’s probably never going to happen!  If you happen to have “Bear Spray” in your cute Coach clutch you can try spraying the bear.  Since I usually only carry a little Chanel Number 5, it would really have to be a classy bear to be subdued by this method.  Conventional bear escape wisdom advises laying stomach down with fingers laced over your neck and basically playing dead.  Seeing how even my Jack Russell Terrier has not mastered this game, I am not sure there is much hope for a really terrified shoe girl to do so calmly.  If by chance your freshly perfumed bear decides to wander away, stay on the ground for 20 minutes, which would be a good time to count your blessings and rethink this whole nature girl thing.

It’s important to note that bears, like shoes, come in many colors and styles.  The above tips are good for a Brown Bear.  When it comes to Blacks Bears it is supposedly better to fight back; maybe this is where pointy-spiked heels could come in handy.  With Polar Bears, you are pretty much screwed.  Due to declining sea ice, they are forced to hunt on solid ground.  Thus most are hungry and playing dead might just speed up the whole eating you process and fighting back might be equally fruitless.  In these cases, all I can say is why the heck are you near a polar bear in the first place, and I hope he doesn’t eat your designer heels too. 

How to Survive a Zombie Attack in Stilettos:

There are many schools of thought on the best way to survive a zombie attack.  The first debate might be whether to stay where you are or flee to safety… if safety is available. I mean, hey, who’s to say a zombie attack would be limited to one specific area.  If your home is super zombie secure and they cannot easily break windows and climb inside, you might just think about defending your home front and shoe closet.  If you choose to flee, consider that in most zombie movies your car keys are never where you put them last, so you might have to escape on foot, making a Kenneth Cole heel with the air soles much more attractive. 

Whether you are going to stay or go, you will need some survival items: plenty of fresh water, canned goods (& can opener, of course), flashlights, and some nail polish for touch-ups. (It’s a battle against the undead, but still no need to look unkempt).  You also have to think about shoe repair; a supply of replacement heel tips; and some super glue might come in handy.  If you are running for your life in stilettos, I recommend you run in Manolo’s.  Not only will a pair of Manolo’s offer you that classic chic style one wants when fleeing flesh-craving zombies, but they also are pretty darn comfortable.  I also suggest a pair of Mary Jane for the added support of an ankle strap. 

How to Survive an Emergency Plane Landing in Stilettos:

When Flight 1549 safely landed on the Hudson River after being struck by a flock of birds, many were overcome with amazement as 155 occupants were rescued from the plane’s wings.  While others praised God for sparing those souls, I found myself racked with worry over how I would have gotten my soles off a plane in such a situation. I could easily visualize myself telling dear Captain Sully I just needed a minute to grab my Prada pumps from my carry-on bag and then wobbling in my Dolce & Gabbana stilettos as I balanced on that plane wing.  

This is why I recommend keeping all of your shoes in a carry-on that can be stowed under the seat in front of you so you can easily grab them should an emergency landing become necessary.  Passports and credit cards can be replaced, vintage Jimmy Choo’s cannot.  If it should be necessary to use the inflatable slide, I suggest taking off those spiked heels prior to sliding.  No one likes a shoe girl who pops the emergency exit slide!

How to Survive a Sinking Boat and Shark Attack in Stilettos:

After reviewing this scenario in my head, I have to say I am not sure what advice to give.  Just trying to survive this scenario barefoot would be hard enough, but to keep on stilettos while trying to swim to dry land with a shark in pursuit just seems almost impossible.  So the best advice I can offer is to avoid boats in shark-infested waters if this situation concerns you.  You can’t win them all, at least not in stilettos. 

There you go—my survival guide for life in stilettos.  And please use common sense when applying these strategies.  After all, you are listening to a girl who considers not having enough red strappy heels an absolute crisis.

 

3 Rules of Employment January 24, 2010

Filed under: Common Sense in Unsensible Shoes — theislandshoegirl @ 9:26 am
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The first step towards a successful career should be taken with fantastic shoes. Photo by Jean Thornton.

When toilets clog, soap dispenser run empty and trash cans overflow, I am the one who hears the cries of those in need of a square of Charmin and answers with the solution to any your bathroom dilemmas.  It may seem odd that a girl who wears $200 Michael Kors’ four-inch wedge tennis shoes with gold trim would freely saunter into a ladies room with a bottle of disinfectant in my left hand and plunger slung over right shoulder.  I have perfected the art of toilet unclogging regardless of how gross it is.  Restaurant patrons turn up their noses and watch in awe as my perfectly manicured nails grip the yellow handle of my faithful plunger.  Within in minutes water is flowing freely in all three stalls and I am the Wonder Woman of modern plumbing problems. 

After watching my latest ‘battle with the bowl’, a customer gives me a sympathetic smile and says, “I bet you hate this part of your job.”  Without hesitation I answer with my best life rule, “Never be too good to use a plunger.”  I triumphantly smash the paper towels deeper in the trash can with my plunger and swing it back over my shoulder, calling out a final, “enjoy your night,” as I exit the bathroom.  I am not a superhero; I simply follow the rules of job success I have learned to respect in all of my various employment roles. 

As a teenager it was changing diapers, in college it was smelly summer campers, and now as an adult, my college education has not relieved me from some of the less enjoyable tasks of life.  No level of education or seniority has given me the golden ticket that allows me to pass off unpleasant jobs to others.  As one might imagine, working with the homeless can sometimes lead to conversations about less enjoyable topics with those in desperate need of a shower.  Thankfully, I was given a few good work rules that keep me humble, employed, and in my place, even when that place means in a flooded dorm room with a water vacuum.   

My father taught me early on that Custodians and Secretaries run every office; they have the keys to everything and the means to make any complication disappear.  Custodians and Secretaries are like the office mafia; you must come to an understanding of their power.  This rule has kept my office trash empty and my coffee safe to drink.  A sincere compliment and a box of doughnuts goes all long way to getting that report finished when your printer jams. 

The next rule is a critical one when supervising another employee: lead by example not by exemption.  This protects them and you.  If you are unwilling to perform a dirty deed as a supervisor, how can you expect a less experienced employee to do it?  And if that less experienced—and most likely lesser paid—employee can do what you can not or will not do, you may soon be asking them to carry your paper box of personal items out the door as your last act as supervisor. 

This brings me to my rule of toilet repair: never be too good to use a toilet plunger.  When a person reaches a place where he or she no longer feels able to face this task, that person is in danger of forgetting that everyone is capable of creating that same mess.  In order to truly make others feel comfortable we have to face challenges of a less pleasurable nature and we have to remember the disasters of our own making.  Yes, once we are too good for the toilet plunger we are only steps away from the self-imposed ignorance that leads to true narcissism.  I plan to never achieve the type of success that makes me too good to use a toilet plunger…but it would be nice if my plunger had a gold-plated handle and maybe came with a matching tennis bracelet.

While these rules may seem simple and basic to many, think of the hoards of unemployed and job searching souls looking for employment.  Have they turned down a position because it seemed to “beneath them” or because they told themselves or allowed others to them they were “over qualified,” which is a lot like having too much money.  Yes, my rules are common sense but they are the key to being successfully employed.  So the next time you pass by the invisible custodian or forget who drops that mail on your desk, just remember you can be just as invisible and just as forgotten.  My toilet plunging skills may not be as impressive as an MBA, but until your MBA can unclog the toilet, step aside for the heroine of the flush.

 

The Straying Shoe Girl January 10, 2010

Filed under: Love Me, Love My Shoes — theislandshoegirl @ 9:01 am
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These Steve Madden's were love at first sight... of course so were the other 3 pairs I bought too. Photo by Jean Thornton.

Shoe monogamy may not be a hot topic, but recent celebrity scandals have prompted me to think a little a bit about the wandering eye I have when it comes to my true love—shoes.  No public figure can completely escape the glare of the magnifying glass that those with more private and less exciting lives tend to apply.  And those outsider views also bring a self-imposed right to debate and determine what they judge to be a fitting punishment.  While The Island Shoe Girl lives a pretty anonymous life (okay I am not shy when it comes to publicity), I cannot help but turn my own critical, know-it-all eye on myself and my inability to stay faithful to one shoe designer, let alone one shoe.

When it comes to personal relationships I can proudly say I have never betrayed the trust of another, but when it comes to shoes, my feet are pretty much the biggest ‘toe whores’ you can find.  Sometimes I am in and out of several pairs a day, loving them and then leaving them back in the shoe closet as quickly as I can slip them on and off.  Yes, one minute open-toe pumps the next knee-high boots with zippers that twist around my calf.  It’s not that I don’t love the little soles attached to each pair; in fact, I may love them all too much.  I simply have a big heart and, while my shoe closet does not match my heart size, I always find a little more room for the next pair. 

I honestly do fall in love with shoes; many times I have declared a pair the ultimate accomplishment in shoes.  Yet, as soon as the scuffs are on the soles and the design has been admired by others, my mind begins to think of what other shoes may be out there.  Could a pair of Kate Spade suede stilettos be out there waiting for me tomorrow, or should I stop with the Michael Kors’ platforms under toe today?  The curiosity of what waits for me beneath the next shoe box lid keeps me straying from one pair to another. 

I can understand when wandering eyes prowl the shoe section despite having the support of fabulous footwear under their legs.  I myself have cruised the displays of fanciful shoes, fully aware that back home another pair waits for me faithfully, never thinking of another foot.  Like a john searching for a cheap thrill, what I have at home in my shoe closet is never enough to appease my wondering mind.  My addiction, however, may only come with hefty credit card bills and another pair of strappy black sandals—the addictions that break the hearts, souls, and trust of people usually carry far more damaging scars.  

If my shoes could talk they probably could tell a few tales I don’t want out there…especially the ones that I wore during the last Fantasy Fest!   If there is a shoe gossip fest behind my closet door, I hope the older shoes are breaking it gently to the new shoes.  I can see it now—the Betsy Johnson silver maryjane’s calmly explain to the Juicy Couture pumps that I won’t be calling on either of them tonight.  This leads me to wonder if my shoes tell themselves the same things “the other women” frequently say in the aftermath, “she told me she loved me,” or “when she picked me up she said I was different from all the others.”

Perhaps it would be wise for me and others to re-examine our own morals and ethics before throwing judgment at the feet of those who may remain shoe faithful but fail in other areas.  After all, if life has taught this shoe girl one thing it’s that the other shoe is always waiting to drop.  If you are not careful it could land on your own toe with quite a thud.

My poor shoes might be just as misguided by my wandering toes as those who fall for people who have wandering hearts and eyes.  Shoe games surely are not as hurtful as games played with the heart.  My only solace is that I have never promised a single shoe my constant devotion.  I admit outright what I am.  Could there be a day when my feet belong to one pair of shoes?  Possibly, but I wouldn’t place any bets

 

Shoe-off November 8, 2009

Filed under: Its All About the Shoes — theislandshoegirl @ 10:05 am
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staurt weitzman red 1

These Staurt Weitzman's are clear winners in any shoe-off! Photo by Jean Thornton

In grade school I could never get very far in any spelling bee.  During my teen years I knew better than to claim an understanding of any form of science.  Throughout college I stayed quiet while my friends got into the deep debates about religion and faith.  I knew my limits then and I know my limits now, which is why when it comes to car repair or recommending a bottle of wine I default to those with more experience.  However there are some topics I can stand my ground on and one of those is obviously shoes and no one is better prepared for a shoe-off than I am. 

Some of you doubters are wondering two things: first, what is a shoe-off and second, in what alternate reality do shoe-offs occur in?   The answers are as simple as pairing a kitten heel with a breezy tea-length dress!  I refer to ‘shoe’ as a verb in this situation, as something you do, not what you wear out of necessity.  A shoe-off is kind of like the old “yo momma” smack down from grade school playgrounds—only far more sophisticated because it happens in really pretty shoes and as adults you have perfected the hand-on-hip stance, plus you are not standing by the monkey bars. 

Shoe-offs are basically a way that you defend your shoe taste against another woman (or in some cases a gay man) while never having to open your mouth or even rolling your eyes, although eye rolling is still permitted.  Clearly, a shoe-off involves a comparison of shoes; even the most confused man can figure that one out.  Since it is a well-known fact by those “in the know” that the one with the best and most shoes wins basically at life; logic tells us that a shoe-off is only one battle in the war of shoe.   You may lose the shoe-off but still win the war, although I don’t like to take chances on such things. 

You may be saying, who calls a win in a shoe-off?  Trust me—you know who the clear winner of a shoe-off is.  It is like a presidential debate.  Sure both sides may have their points but only a stiletto can stab victory.  The loser, of course, must play it cool and take it in stride like a New York Fashion Week model in a dud of a gown.  You must keep your head up no matter what and walk it off. 

In the words of Gwen Stefani “This *#$% is bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S.” And it pretty much always is!  A shoe-off is not for the faint of heart and weak of mind.  You have to have the cold stare and determination of sniper with his target in his crosshairs.  It also helps if your pedicure is absolutely flawless.  A shoe-off can literally come out of nowhere and happen at anytime.  Just like a chance meeting with an ex, you have to be ready to strut what your momma gave you and what Calvin Klein made you.  That is why I almost never leave my home without putting my best heel forward.  Walking the dog can become a showdown with the new neighbor and I have to protect my turf at all costs. 

Shoe-offs can happen anywhere really and, trust me, they go down everyday.  From the grocery store to a night at the bar or running to the ATM a shoe-off can happen anywhere.  You have to always be prepared to defend your shoe girl status.  I have actually had cars pull over to compliment my shoes while hanging up a yard sale sign.  One time my friend Shelia and I had a shoe-off while driving, while this may sound impossible the other cars that saw my platforms hanging out the window can back up this event. 

To those who witness a good old-fashioned shoe-off it may remind you of a duel scene in a Western film, 20 paces and then strike your best pose that displays multiple angles and elements of your heels while highlighting your own personal perfections yet hiding your flaws.  It’s basic self-defense when you think about it.  You have to know your environment and your challenger’s weak spots.  Never turn your back unless you’re casually showing off the bracket on your new L.A.M.B. heels. 

The winners, losers, and highlights of shoe-offs may never be printed in the sports page, even though they are far more interesting than major league baseball.  However that does not stop me from the private celebration of knowing I got it when claiming a shoe-off victory.  Yeah, I may never be asked on McLaughlin Group or to help explain the finer points of the latest Supreme Court ruling, but when it comes to shoes I am the go-to girl.  And if you want to challenge me on that, meet me outside at sunset and you better bring your big girl shoes because I am going to knock you out of them.  Shoe-off thrown down!

 

If God Was a Shoe Designer October 18, 2009

Filed under: Common Sense in Unsensible Shoes — theislandshoegirl @ 9:50 am
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And on the eighth day God created shoes… and it was fabulous! Just like these Marc by Marc Jacobs wonders. Photo by Jean Thornton

And on the eighth day God created shoes… and it was fabulous! Just like these Marc by Marc Jacobs wonders. Photo by Jean Thornton

Nowhere in scriptures does it say on what day God created shoes or shoe closets, but I cannot help but think of them as creations with the stamp of a higher power.  While some may look at the beaches, the mountains, the rolling fields and the many other natural wonders of the world, I look at the stilettos displayed in a storefront window and see little pointed miracles.  It leaves me wondering: If God was a shoe designer how might the world be different?

For my own personal gain, I would hope God might eliminate some pinches and pains for my feet.  I believe that if God was a shoe designer, there would never be blisters on my little toes.  Ankles would never be rubbed and callused.  The best shoes, while usually the most uncomfortable, would now be like walking in the clouds or strolling the streets of heaven. 

The freedom of having an infallible shoe designer would at last allow me to live in a world where loving shoes was accepted without bias or question.  To challenge my choice of footwear would be to the same as questioning my religious beliefs.  No longer would shoe girls be subjected to the judgment of others who believe that shoes are frivolous things or confines of society.  The taller the heel, the closer a shoe girl would be to God.                                               

While coveting your neighbor’s wife is still off limits, coveting her shoes might become the exception to the ‘coveting goods’ commandment.  A girl with a couple hundred pairs of heels would not be thought of as greedy but as celebrating examples of God’s good work.  Every brightly colored and bejeweled shoe would be a mini-cathedral.  The Corporal Works of Mercy would also include giving shoes to the unshod feet of the world.  Pencil-thin stilettos that seemed impossible to walk in without breaking an ankle would now be seen as a sign of devotion and a divine belief in God’s work. 

With God as the master designer of both our lives and our shoes there would be no reason to worry about getting caught in the rain while wearing satin pumps; surely the water would part before stainable shoes like the Red Sea before Moses.   Mother Teresa would be named a saint for her ability to teach the orphans of Calcutta how to walk in heels.  Manolo Blanhik would meet with the Pope to help shape the future of the Catholic Church and next winter’s line of booties.  Cardinals would not only wear red caps but also Christian Louboutin’s with matching red souls.  A platform heel would peek from under every nun’s habit. 

 Like the people God created, no two shoes would be alike… well maybe I should say no two pairs of shoes would be alike.   Every shoe would be created uniquely but equally with beautiful soles, just like the souls God gives each and every person.  All shoes would have a purpose and the chance to make the world different with its imprint.  While some shoes may be made to help us complete our daily outfits, other shoes would find glorious moments where they are meant to shine.

However!  Just like the world God has created for us, it would be up to us walking in those shoes to determine how they were treated.  Judging from the way we tend to treat people who are a bit different from us, I have a little concern.  Would we be blind enough to judge one shoe as better than another because it had a bow or a few rhinestones compared to those made of simple straps?  Could our tendency to place more worth on some of God’s creations lead to some shoes being tossed aside?  Would we test shoes still in production to eliminate those we have deemed to be flawed?

 After all, many souls are ignored, even when they reach out for help and love; perhaps some of God’s shoe soles would also be neglected for whatever reasons.  As much as I would like to believe that God’s shoes would be seen as a unifying force, I wonder if some shoes would get a higher value than others or be seen as more solid demonstrations of belief.  Even if God created shoes with fish in the heels, would they be viewed as less valuable than hand-stitched boots because they are different?  What if some pairs of shoes got rights that other pairs did not—like the right to share a shoe box—while others were discriminated against because of their partner choice?

 If God was a shoe designer my world may be a lot easier to explain; for surely my love of shoes would be simpler to explain.  I have to think that a little Divine intervention might occur when I saw a new pair that was a little too expensive for this mortal’s budget.  Yes, maybe my favorite black BCBG satin pumps wouldn’t pinch anymore if God had designed them.  But I am afraid that our world would not embrace all the shoe designs we were given, since we do not do a great job embracing all the people designs we’ve been given. 

Until the day I can convince the world of God’s great shoe design in each of us, all I can do for now is to keep my heart open to as many human designs and shoe designs as I can.

 

Clearance Rack Groceries September 20, 2009

Filed under: Common Sense in Unsensible Shoes — theislandshoegirl @ 11:46 am
Tags: , , , , , , , ,
These Calvin Klein heels were a clearance rack find that are beyond fabulous. Photo Jean Thornton

These Calvin Klein heels were a clearance rack find that are beyond fabulous. Photo Jean Thornton

During a recent phone call to my cousin, I was detailing my latest handbag purchase from Coach.  It was my fourth bag in three months; all were purchased on sale, and all for prices so low I could not justify passing them by.  This is my secret shopping confessional, as an expensive new handbag has become a recession dirty deed.  My cousin not only understands my shopping guilt, she feels it too as she confesses her own recent Coach purchase.  Should I feel bad for buying this new piece of delightful arm candy—and the new wallet inside—while others are facing job loss? 

Later, I cruise through the grocery store with this new treasure at my side; I love it so much I won’t let it touch the grocery cart.  As I determine the best value jar of peanut butter, I catch myself weighing pennies verses name brands.  It occurs to me that I am willing to price cut my own diet and nutrition in exchange for labels and luxury when it comes to my fashion diet.  I cannot recall the last time I bought a steak, but I can tell you when that Dolce and Gabbana online sale starts! 

I am one of the many across the United States cutting back on groceries, cruising on almost-empty gas tanks, and sitting in the dark to try and pad my wallet (again it is a really cute Coach wallet).  I have always been a budget girl.  I like knowing exactly where my bottom line is and how to hold it.  I set saving goals each month and make sure to reach them.  My credit score is great and shocks most bankers who look from it to my shoes and try to figure out how my salary, those shoes, and that credit rating can coexist together.  Their face reads plaids mixed with animal print as they struggle to rationalize the combination.   

It is with great pride that I can point to what I have achieved financially as an example that anyone can do it.  I also have to give credit to my parents and their fiscally minded approach to parenting us.  But it does make me wonder: as girl raised without an unending cash flow from mom and dad, how did I end up with such designer tastes?

I am very sure that not everyone in the world immediately presses themselves against the Banana Republic store window and sings “Hello Dolly” to the new wrap dress displayed with a stunning gold heel.  I am basing this on the fact that I do not see anyone else except my partner in shopping crime suction-cupped with me, like matching Garfield cats in the back of a Buick.  Only after we start getting strange looks from other passers-by do we pry ourselves off and begin a debate over whether we can justify the purchase.  It usually ends with the same logic—wait for the clearance rack.

Once an item hits the clearance rack, all arguments for not buying it fly out the window.  You see, if you put “% off” next to anything, it suddenly becomes equally better by that same amount.  For example, the beautiful black patent leather Steve Madden heels I just bought at 70% off magically became 70% more fabulous than their original level of fabulousness.  That is why it is easier to walk away from 20% off that Ralph Lauren dress because the level of fabulous has not increased to the point of it being unbearable not to buy it!  A general rule of thumb is that anything over 60% off is unstoppable and credit cards need to be applied.

So my proposal is that the rest of the retail world take a clue from sample sales and knock down their prices.  When the stock market tumbles, do not proclaim it a bad day; instead announce that Wall Street is having a mid-season sale with prices so low you would be a fool to walk away.  Perhaps a buy two mutual funds, get the third for free (of equal or lesser value of course).  Soon the investment report will be as exciting as the celebrity gossip update when you’re checking out the latest craze… overseas’ markets!

It’s all about how you market the markdown that makes those items fly off the shelf.  Are those fresh fruits and vegetables about to spoil?  I say it’s a “make room for new produce” sale.  Mark those slightly squishy Squashes down and watch those deals walk out the door!   Buy in the off-season for great savings; it’s like buying a bathing suit in December for next summer’s pool days.   So apply the same logic and stock up on pumpkin filling in July for next Thanksgiving’s pie.  If this trend catches on, maybe we can get the electric company to jump on the BOGO (Buy One, Get One) band wagon!  Who would not love to get July’s electric bill for free when cranking up the AC to beat the summer heat?

Let’s face it, women will never give up their designer names and luxurious leather soles for a gallon of milk; but if that milk is part of the grocery red line clearance section, you just might be able to justify purchasing both.  Just because the budget is a little tighter does not mean that you have to cut all the fun from life or all the nutrition from your diet.  The key is shopping smarter and embracing the discounts as they come along.  Hey, even my name-brand pure breed Jack Russell dog was bought on discount from the local animal shelter; sure he is slightly used but every bit as loveable.

 

THE FASHION OF ECONOMICS May 24, 2009

Filed under: Common Sense in Unsensible Shoes — theislandshoegirl @ 3:32 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

These great Yellow Aldos are a sound investment, the stock market loses can not chew away these wood heels, but termites could! Photo by Jean Thornton

These great Yellow Aldos are a sound investment, the stock market loses can not chew away these wood heels, but termites could! Photo by Jean Thornton

The economy slows, the stocks tumble, joblessness goes up, and somewhere a CEO yanks, the ripcord on his golden parachute. My long-held belief is that the only thing that is a sure investment is a pair of black patent leather stilettos. I consider Audrey Hepburn and Edith Head my personal investment godmothers. Sure I have a 401k and home values to worry about, but to be brutally honest; it is hard to connect all the dots back to me when those Dow points fall. Yes, I put money in banks and funds, but I just don’t really know where it goes after that. However, if I put the same amount of money in handbags, designer classics, and semi-precious stones, I can see where the money goes…onto me. Reality is I did not get a home loan based on my amazing heels; it was based on my credit score. I will argue that the shoes did not hurt the interest rate.

I would be a fool not to worry about the financial well being of the U.S. and of countries around the world. I view it like this: Long before Ralph Lauren was in every department store, he needed start-up funds. It probably took a fashion forward loan officer who dreamed of classic navy cashmere that drapes perfectly while stuffed in a shoulder-padded gray suit to see his vision. So at last a loan is given, fabric is bought, needles are threaded and runways are walked. All to the delight of glossy magazine readers like me lying on the beach or by a pool on a lazy Sunday. And I, the glossy magazine reader, then wait patiently for those designs to hit the stores and eventually the clearance rack, reaching me via my email shopping alert. Thus I and the good people of Visa can agree on a deal for these items to come to my home. My killer outfit starts long before I strut out the door with people I cannot even name. It is almost like international adoption; how does that baby get here?

I am sure that you are shaking your head at me thinking, “Oh Island Shoe Girl, how naïve! Designers do not need banks; they are brought to our living rooms every week via Project Runway and all get shows in Bryant Park.” Well, yes, this is true for some, but not for all. And need I remind you that it is also TV, just as Katherine Heigl only acts (barely) as a surgeon on screen, she is clearly not one off screen. And I think we can all agree that some of those kids on Project Runway are not real designers in real life.

But I digress. My financial point is this: we need a solid lending system in place to ensure that not only do banks have the ability to provide young creative minds with the ability to buy high-end hand care for silk, but for other things such as houses, cars, and those sorts of things. We could allow our banks to crumble and say, “Look those CEOs got what they deserved!” If that is said, we will be saying it in bland polyester clothing and shoes with sensible rubber soles! Folks, I call that depression whether it’s mental or financial!

How do we get through these challenging economic times? No one likes to hear it, but let’s get it out there on the drafting table: budget, people, and stick with it. Get real about what you really need. Not all things need to be Designer; for example, your grocery store has its very own off the rack the section on the lower shelf. Gas prices too high? Car pool—it’s like a gossiping on your cell phones only you all are in the same car and you save daytime minutes. You should still buy the necessities and you should not deprive yourself. I mean who does not need those new Seven Jeans? But hey! Buy a classic look that will allow you to go retro next season and rock them again.

If we continue to invest in the stock market and continue to buy low, we will all be selling high again someday. Think of it this way: remember back in 1989 when you threw away your Blondie-style wide belts? How many did you buy this year? So hold on to those down stocks, because, just as sure as pencil skirts, they will be back on top soon. And keep investing. Who knows–this year’s stock market failure may be next year’s Oscar De La Renta showstopper.

 

 
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