The Island Shoe Girl's Blog

Where shoes meet sand…

Shoe Psychosis January 22, 2012

Filed under: Its All About the Shoes — theislandshoegirl @ 9:53 am
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Who wouldn't go crazy with shoes like these? Photo by Jean Thornton.

Ever see a pair of heels that make you say, “I want to put you on my feet and wear you now?”  I do—almost every time I see a pair of amazing heels.  If there is a Casedia sale on Ruelala.com all I can think is ‘I want to put you on my feet’.  When an email lands in my inbox boosting a shoe sale at Niemen Marcus Last Call, my toes curl with anticipation.  Heaven forbid if I find myself in the clearance room of a department store shoe section—I can turn into a real stiletto-psychopath.  Another shopper might politely ask if I am done with a pair of shoes and I have to edit my natural urge to explain I am not done with the entire rack and who said she could come in this room anyway!

It’s like I have OCD or OCSS (Obsessive Compulsive Shoe Shopping); I never ever get enough.  Most people reserve the phrase “took my breath away” for the first time they see a spouse or their child.  Me, I use it to describe how I feel when I am near designer shoes.   No matter how hard I try to control my desires, I find myself frequently out of control.  This is a realization I came to during the post-holiday season sales after calculating my total shoe intake in less then 3 weeks as 12 pairs.  Apparently this is more shoes than most people buy all year. 

I have no will power when I am faced with rows upon rows of stilettos, pumps, wedges, and sling-backs all calling my name from their cozy shoeboxes.  They beckon me to just try them on, no commitment, no promises to buy…just slip them on for a minute and see how they feel.  See how their arches feel against the bottom of my foot.  See how their leather straps wrap around my ankles.  See how they would complement every single piece of clothing that I own or could ever desire to own. 

These little shoe voices whisper softly in my ear, “oh we go together so well.”  And I am left breathless by how right those shoes are.  I am also frequently forced to live on a shoe string budget because of those same shoes… oh the irony of a girl who hates tennis shoes to be forced to live on a budget named after them!   Perhaps these little shoe voices could get me a diagnosis of shoe-schizophrenia.  But who would want a cure for an infliction that makes my toes look oh so good?

I might honestly have an unknown shoe psychosis that has yet to be acknowledged by the American Psychological Association or the Diagnostic Manual’s latest edition.  Treatment option could be limited; group therapy would probably only fuel my habits.  A group of women sitting around talking about shoes… yeah, that’s helping—especially if they are a similar shoe size.  I couldn’t face  treatment from a therapist with bad shoes. And electroshock therapy would likely only make my hair frizzy.  There might be prescription medications that could help control these urges, but what if they had unpleasant side effects like not wanting to buy shoes? 

Thus I find there is no hope for me except to continue to manage my illness the best way I know how.  With more shoes of course!  Some might say I am shoe crazy, but I wonder if maybe you are in a shoe depressive state of sorts.   Maybe the whole world is insane from lack of shoes and my fellow shoe lovers and I are the only truly “normal” ones. 

Okay, I am pushing it.  I can hear groans of disgust through your computer screens as you read this.  Luckily for me I let the voices of my shoes drown out the voices of my detractors.  So I seek comfort in my shoe closet where the voices say, “We are so glad you brought us home…you should go back to the store and get a few more of our friends.”

 

How to Survive in Stilettos November 6, 2011

Filed under: Its All About the Shoes — theislandshoegirl @ 9:45 am
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It's survival of the fittest in these LAMB stilettos. Photo by Jean Thornton

They say that in moments of true emergency we are overcome with the unique ability to survive…but what about our shoes?  Occasionally I am asked about various shoe survival strategies.  Whether it’s avoiding blisters or how to walk in sand with heels, there is clearly a need for a guide to surviving life’s less shoe-friendly moments.  This week a reader emailed me asking my opinion on a film clip of women fleeing a sinking boat into shark infested waters.  Along the way at least one lost her shoes, begging the question how do your shoes survive an emergency?  Remember, I am only a professional shoe wearer, not a professional survival guide.

How to Survive a Bear Attack in Stilettos:

Even in the best of situations, out running a bear is unlikely and not advised.  In stilettos it’s probably never going to happen!  If you happen to have “Bear Spray” in your cute Coach clutch you can try spraying the bear.  Since I usually only carry a little Chanel Number 5, it would really have to be a classy bear to be subdued by this method.  Conventional bear escape wisdom advises laying stomach down with fingers laced over your neck and basically playing dead.  Seeing how even my Jack Russell Terrier has not mastered this game, I am not sure there is much hope for a really terrified shoe girl to do so calmly.  If by chance your freshly perfumed bear decides to wander away, stay on the ground for 20 minutes, which would be a good time to count your blessings and rethink this whole nature girl thing.

It’s important to note that bears, like shoes, come in many colors and styles.  The above tips are good for a Brown Bear.  When it comes to Blacks Bears it is supposedly better to fight back; maybe this is where pointy-spiked heels could come in handy.  With Polar Bears, you are pretty much screwed.  Due to declining sea ice, they are forced to hunt on solid ground.  Thus most are hungry and playing dead might just speed up the whole eating you process and fighting back might be equally fruitless.  In these cases, all I can say is why the heck are you near a polar bear in the first place, and I hope he doesn’t eat your designer heels too. 

How to Survive a Zombie Attack in Stilettos:

There are many schools of thought on the best way to survive a zombie attack.  The first debate might be whether to stay where you are or flee to safety… if safety is available. I mean, hey, who’s to say a zombie attack would be limited to one specific area.  If your home is super zombie secure and they cannot easily break windows and climb inside, you might just think about defending your home front and shoe closet.  If you choose to flee, consider that in most zombie movies your car keys are never where you put them last, so you might have to escape on foot, making a Kenneth Cole heel with the air soles much more attractive. 

Whether you are going to stay or go, you will need some survival items: plenty of fresh water, canned goods (& can opener, of course), flashlights, and some nail polish for touch-ups. (It’s a battle against the undead, but still no need to look unkempt).  You also have to think about shoe repair; a supply of replacement heel tips; and some super glue might come in handy.  If you are running for your life in stilettos, I recommend you run in Manolo’s.  Not only will a pair of Manolo’s offer you that classic chic style one wants when fleeing flesh-craving zombies, but they also are pretty darn comfortable.  I also suggest a pair of Mary Jane for the added support of an ankle strap. 

How to Survive an Emergency Plane Landing in Stilettos:

When Flight 1549 safely landed on the Hudson River after being struck by a flock of birds, many were overcome with amazement as 155 occupants were rescued from the plane’s wings.  While others praised God for sparing those souls, I found myself racked with worry over how I would have gotten my soles off a plane in such a situation. I could easily visualize myself telling dear Captain Sully I just needed a minute to grab my Prada pumps from my carry-on bag and then wobbling in my Dolce & Gabbana stilettos as I balanced on that plane wing.  

This is why I recommend keeping all of your shoes in a carry-on that can be stowed under the seat in front of you so you can easily grab them should an emergency landing become necessary.  Passports and credit cards can be replaced, vintage Jimmy Choo’s cannot.  If it should be necessary to use the inflatable slide, I suggest taking off those spiked heels prior to sliding.  No one likes a shoe girl who pops the emergency exit slide!

How to Survive a Sinking Boat and Shark Attack in Stilettos:

After reviewing this scenario in my head, I have to say I am not sure what advice to give.  Just trying to survive this scenario barefoot would be hard enough, but to keep on stilettos while trying to swim to dry land with a shark in pursuit just seems almost impossible.  So the best advice I can offer is to avoid boats in shark-infested waters if this situation concerns you.  You can’t win them all, at least not in stilettos. 

There you go—my survival guide for life in stilettos.  And please use common sense when applying these strategies.  After all, you are listening to a girl who considers not having enough red strappy heels an absolute crisis.

 

A Pretty Zombie in Pretty Shoes October 23, 2011

Filed under: Key West; Not Just for Flip Flops — theislandshoegirl @ 8:24 am
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A shoe to make you rise up from the grave. Photo by Jean Thornton

I want to be a pretty zombie. That’s probably not what you expect to hear from a shoe girl, but it’s true.  In fact, I spent a good portion of my evening searching for pretty zombies online.   I have not abandoned my stiletto life for that of the undead; instead, I am preparing for the Zombie Bike ride that will be held in Key West today.  If you are reading this around 6pm on Sunday afternoon, I will be dressed like a zombie and riding my bike with a couple hundred other zombies… yes I will be wearing high heels, I may be among the undead but never among the unstylish.

The Zombie Bike Ride is just one of the Fantasy Fest events I will be participating in during the coming week.  For those outside of Key West, perhaps the best way to describe Fantasy Fest is a weeklong series of various costume parties that become more outrageous as the week progresses and swelling to its peak next Saturday with the Captain Morgan’s Parade. 

The streets of Key West will be filled with tens of thousands of people dressed in every imaginable type of costume.  There is a theme each year; this year’s is “Aquatic Afrolic” so there will surely be sea creatures, every type of fish known to man plus those that exist only in the mind. There will be political characters and pop culture references.  Some events stick strictly to the theme, while others sway wildly away.  Some nights there will be kinky carnivals, toga and plaid parties and competitions that name the best-dressed pets. There will be Tutu-Tuesday, those with gaudy headdresses, and those with absolutely no dresses. 

All this leads me to countless hours of determining costumes, make-up designs, and of course, which shoes will be perfect for each event.  As a working shoe girl I cannot attend every party—that, and if I did, I would be in need of bank loan, a new job and probably a new liver.  So I have to exercise some moderation, which is why I like to put a lot of thought into what the events I can do; hence, the evening trying to find a zombie look that’s a little undead and a little Coco Chanel.  Would Coco have advised a zombie to remove one bloody accessory before going out? 

Perhaps decorating shoes with black fringe, ordering specialty tutus, and fretting over fairy wings seems a bit silly—maybe even childish.  But in world where facing reality can be far more scary than a zombie attack—even by a not-so-pretty zombie—it only makes sense to find a little escape into a world of glitter, feathers, fringe, and the a tutu or two.  At times when ‘real life’ lacks so much fantasy and provides so much… well…. ‘reality’ which is all too frightening, it’s good to get lost in the costumes and just join the parade or party.

As you read this, I will be with many of my favorite Key West characters and we will all be living the good life of the undead.  We will ride our bikes to different bars, indulge in Bloody Mary’s (obviously) and very likely pose with a fake brain or two.  I will hopefully be the chicest zombie out there, one that would make Coco Chanel rise up from her grave and give an approving nod.  Regardless, it will be the start of a week where a little bit of fantasy goes a long way.

 

Queens of Soles June 28, 2011

Filed under: Love Me, Love My Shoes — theislandshoegirl @ 10:17 am
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Sure these Steve Madden stilettos could cause an injury but they are still too cute to pass up. Photo by Jean Thornton.

The Queen of Soul and I have something in common this week.  We have both suffered foot injuries due to our love of high heels.  According to news reports, Aretha Franklin apparently stumbled over a pile (yeah that’s right I said PILE) of Jimmy Choo shoes and stepped on top of spiked-sandal, resulting in fracture toe.  My injury was caused by a slip and fall in some very lovely stilettos. They were not Choos but I also found myself with a broken bone. While my damaged foot may not have garnered the attention that Aretha’s has (though honestly it should have been on the Google news feed) I feel a little closer to my sole sister this week all the same. 

 I certainly do sympathize with Aretha who has been snapped hobbling about in her medically-fitted blue boot.  My guess is that it was not designed by Jimmy Choo or any other notable person.  My own boot was actually larger, so Aretha is getting off a little easy in my mind.  I also imagine Aretha has a staff to help out while she is lopsided.  I only had my dog and some friends to rely on. 

 But all the staff in the world can not undue the mental anguish that accompanies a forced shoe confinement.  Aretha was quoted as asking, “How am I supposed to match my Marc Jacobs gown with this wooden blue shoe?”  I hear you loud and clear, Aretha, as I had to match my own boot to a bridesmaid dress.  Of course I took off the boot and painfully wore a stiletto to spare myself that greater pain of walking down the aisle in that boot.  This was not recommended by my doctor; in fact, I got a very disapproving look—so don’t mention a situation like that to your physician. 

 I did continue to wear a high heel on my other foot; finally I found a place for kitten heels in my wardrobe.  So Aretha, do not fear that all sense of shoe fashion is lost to you; instead it is merely reduced by 50%.  You can still be fabulous and fashionable; you just might be slightly lopsided.  I found that even just wearing one heel made me feel much better and isn’t a positive attitude the key to a quick recovery?

 My fellow Sole Sister may have to take her injury in stride over the next several weeks.  Broken bones do take time to heal, plus the added stress a foot must endure in our daily routines can make it very tricky.  From one on-the-go lady to another, take some time to just slow down, Aretha.  Prop up that foot and read a book, catch up on your fashion magazines or even just indulge in a little junk television.  Bravo has a whole summer schedule of fighting housewives to keep you amused.     

 If you get really bored, feel free to swing down to Key West. We can hangout together, talk about shoes, go to karaoke bars—I’ll even take that pile of dangerous Jimmy Choos off your hands…or should I say feet, if it means you will be safe.  Don’t worry, Aretha, soon enough you will be back in your stilettos, dancing and singing for all of your fans.  And your broken toe will be just a distant memory.

 Take this Queen of Sole’s advice: from here on out and make sure your Jimmy Choos are properly stored.  You have already proven your shoes are dangerous… and I heard the new fall line is drop dead gorgeous.

 

Walk Softly and Carry a Big Purse April 10, 2011

Filed under: Common Sense in Unsensible Shoes — theislandshoegirl @ 9:46 am
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Quiet steps can make big impacts. Photo by Jean Thornton

I have heard that one should always be prepared. For Boy Scouts this might mean knowing how to start a campfire or create a make-shift bear trap. For me, being prepared is not so much knowing how to “make something useful” as having that something useful already to go in my purse. In my daily comings and goings I often find myself turning to my purse to get me through whatever situation I find myself in.

Men will complain about the size of a woman’s handbag. Yes, some are rather large and could double as carry-on luggage at times. Yet every item in a lady’s bag is of great importance. Let’s just look at a couple of the basics to see each one’s purpose: a wallet is needed for neatly organizing my cash and my many plastic friends (aka credit cards); a checkbook because someone’s has to pay off those plastic friends; and my Blackberry, of course, to help manage my Facebook status as well as the occasional work email and celebrity update.

While those items are all standard must have items, the list does not end there. I also have my umbrella; otherwise, if it rained I would have wasted 30 minutes straightening my hair. There is a hair-tie for when the humidity gets the best of my no frizz hair products… I swear none of these products have been tested against Key West humidity! There is a pen since guys never have one due to their fear of stabbing something important. There are three types of lip gloss just in case I feel like a shimmery pink in the morning and a clear sparkle at night.

Now the list starts to veer off the path of logical practical items. I like to keep a cocktail ring around for instances of an after work drink. Hello, how I have a cocktail without a ridiculously oversized piece of jewelry on my finger! I carry my Island Shoe Girl cards so if someone recognizes my shoe greatness I can allow them to share in my vision of shoe world peace. I keep an extra pair Michael Kors’ sunglasses in the event that I run into Michael so I can show him I love his line even if I am wearing Jimmy Choos.

Like every good shoe girl, I keep a quick shoe repair kit handy for when cobblestone sidewalks get the better of my heels. And who doesn’t keep a quick dab of super glue and small tack nails in their purse, right? Perhaps this is why getting through security at the airport is so hard. I guess what I consider simple preparedness might be considered by others as a slight shoe obsession. I see no difference between my well-stocked purse and all those emergency supplies that used to be stored in my trunk before I put stash of emergency shoes in there instead. Really, what am I more likely to need—a spare tire or a spare stiletto? Would AAA really have a roadside emergency crew bring me a pair of Manolo’s should a need occur?

Sure my shoulders might hurt some days and I might be slightly lop-sided from time to time, but I am prepared for anything life might throw at my feet. And I think I am pretty good at handling whatever that is. Perhaps not all of the answers to life’s problems can fit in my bag…well, maybe my Hamptons’ Weekender by Coach…but I can certainly survive those problems.

My purse is full of back-up plans; I don’t really want to have to call on them and would much prefer to stroll through life with comfort and ease. But just in case walking softly doesn’t always happen, it’s good to know that I can rely on the big purse I carry. After all, a great pair of shoes can take you very far, but a cute bag can help you go the extra distance…especially when it has your car keys in it.

 

Stiletto & Croc of the Week March 25, 2011

Filed under: Stiletto & Croc of the Week — theislandshoegirl @ 3:49 pm
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This week the stiletto goes to the lovely Elizabeth Taylor; screen legend, style icon and a true believer in love. From her many stunning movie roles to her desire to find love even if when it made her the butt of jokes it cannot be said that Elizabeth didn’t live life. I can only wish a peaceful hereafter and in a place just as glamorous as she was.

The croc goes to people going crazy this week. From the bikini lady jumping on the counter in a Florida Burger King, another woman smashing up a liquor store after a disagreement with the clerk and the craziest of them all Donald Trump’s continued talk about running for president. Honestly, I always thought all the crazy people sank down to Key West but apparently they are running all over the mainland too.

 

Shoe Identity Theft August 1, 2010

Filed under: Its All About the Shoes — theislandshoegirl @ 8:23 am
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There is nothing fake about these Charles David heels. Photo by Jean Thornton

Take a good look at your sole; is it legitimate? Are you sure that you know exactly where that sole came from? Maybe not if you are one of the internet shoppers who believes that they have found a fabulous shoe deal online only to discover that the heels they thought were genuine designer are, in fact, fakes.

Deception online and knock-off goods are nothing new to dedicated shoppers. Anyone who has skimmed the online world for anything of value from furniture to art to a mate has surely discovered that what is pictured is not always what you get. And if you have spent a weekend in a big city or scoped out a flea market, you might be aware that those Gucci sunglasses being sold for $15 my not be the real deal either. So should any of us be shocked that a white shoe box and a magic marker can create a fake Manolo?

A deal that is too good to be true should always be questioned. Let’s face it; no one knowingly lets us steal from them. So if the deal is ‘a steal’, experience teaches us it’s probably not a deal at all. If a seemingly perfect guy strolled into your life and attempted to shower you with gifts and promises of happy endings you would probably question this a little. At the very least you would Google him! So why do we trust a mystery seller via eBay who boasts of brand new Christian Louboutins—never worn, still in box, perfect condition—without at least considering his seller feedback first?

Judging from some “hard hitting” news coverage, it seems some poor reporter bought a knock-off Chanel bag for a mere fraction of the price from the internet equivalent of the trunk of a Chevy Impala. As the shocked reporter learned that her poorly stitched Cs were glued on, a light bulb went off in her head, promising an Edward R. Murrow Award-worthy story about the world of counterfeit designers online. Odd that a complete stranger in another part of the world would lie to us in order to get our credit card numbers… but true nonetheless.

Our shoe identities are just as much at risk as our own personal identities and we should be just as cautious with them. While I believe that passing off one shoe under the identity of another deserves the harshest of punishments, many get only a little jail time. A man convicted of selling fake Chanel and Tiffany products got 18 months in jail. What kind of a world do we live in where an acting genius like Lindsey Lohan must serve 90 days but a guy who betrays the coveted name of Chanel gets only 18 months! And he is not alone in his evil ways! A Kansas City man admitted to selling $400,000 worth of fake shoes, handbags, and other designer items online. While he is not yet sentenced, I fear that Kansas will not push for the death penalty for such an act.

This leads me to believe that we shoppers must protect our soles and our handbags! After all, these poor defenseless designers are being misrepresented. Okay, so maybe these are not helpless kittens at the animal pound, but both the designer and the fashion-savvy consumer is harmed by these fraudulent products. For example, consumers pay larger sums for what they believe will be high-quality products but end up with poor construction and inferior materials. This lowers the shoppers’ likelihood to purchase designer products in the future, hurting the overall image and value of the brand. Let us not forget the innocent sales persons working on commission—but I digress.

Just as we must protect ourselves from the dangers of personal identity theft, we must also protect ourselves against the dangers shoe identity theft. In the same way we look twice at the security level of a website or business before offering up personal information, we must take the same precautions when shopping for designer deals. Caution and judgment must be used when making any business transaction. Like a house inspection before the close of the sale, don’t assume a pretty finish doesn’t hide unseen dangers. Educating yourself before purchasing can save a lot of heartbreak after.

It’s a dangerous world out there, shoe girls! To keep your toes and soles pristine and legit you have to be smarter than the average bear. After all for every pair of brand new Dolce and Gabbana boots, there is a fake pair waiting to rub your ankles the wrong way. Remember what your moms and dads taught you: never take candy from strangers—or designer duds either!

 

Creating Our Own Shoe Happiness February 21, 2010

Filed under: Common Sense in Unsensible Shoes — theislandshoegirl @ 10:49 am
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These Steve Maddens are perfect for waiting on good things and also going after what you want. Photo by Jean Thornton

I waited patiently the whole month of January for a very special delivery that was not arriving as quickly as I hoped.  In December I got an email from Jimmy Choo thanking me for my support of the their “You, Your Shoes, and 72” photo contest which also promoted their part of the Elton John’s HIV/AIDS Foundation.  As a gesture of their gratitude, I was asked to send my home address so they could send me a thank you gift.  As a supporter of local AIDS charity efforts I was thrilled to help Jimmy Choo with this cause, but if Jimmy Choo offers you a thank you gift, of course you take it! 

For weeks I discussed what little surprise Jimmy Choo might be sending me with my friends, family, and complete strangers in the grocery store.  We dreamed of everything from shoes to perhaps a secret new product that promised eternal life.  In truth it could have been a used gum wrapper and I would still have proudly displayed it and celebrated the mere chance to view it.  What can I say—I am easily amused!  Sadly, days and weeks passed and I had a strange feeling that Jimmy Choo had stood me up.  And with every day that passed without my Choo delivery I felt a little more disappointed. 

In the midst of my waiting for Choo, I realized that I had let my shoe happiness be swayed by outside forces.  And despite the fact that in this same interim I had bought seven other great pairs of shoes, I was letting the lack of Jimmy Choo’s package bring me down.  After all I am a very lucky shoe girl with a closet that literally overflows with pumps, boots, stilettos, and platforms.  Yet, it was that one package that had not arrived that was causing me to slip into a shoe defective disorder every time I saw my empty mailbox. 

As I pondered how one missing package from Jimmy Choo had distracted me from the pleasure that waited in the many other shoe boxes I already had in my possession, I realized that it is not just with shoes that I sometimes allow others to determine my happiness.  I couldn’t help but wonder if this wasn’t a Choo metaphor for so much else in life.  Do we constantly look for what we don’t have and ignore what we do have?   

I thought about the many successes I have achieved through my own hard work and determination.  And while I am very proud of my professional achievements and some personal points of pride such as owning a home or earning accolades from co-workers and peers, sometimes it’s what I don’t have that seems to draw the most critiques from myself and others.  The questions about what I don’t have often seem louder than the appreciation for what I do have.   Well-meaning family and friends will frequently congratulate me on a career milestone and then ask who I am dating, or they will question why I seemingly focus on shoes over children.  While I don’t want to discredit the joy that a partner or a child could bring to my life, it still stings to feel like it’s a missing piece or a barrier to my happiness.    Just like the promise of  a missing Jimmy Choo thank you gift lessened the excitement of the many shoes I bought that month, the things I don’t achieve often block the sight of what I do have.   

It was when I decided that I would not let Choo rain on my parade that the package arrived—and isn’t that often true in other life situations!  The thank you gift was a tote bag promoting the newest line of Jimmy Choo shoes; what shoe girl wouldn’t want to proudly display this bag?  And while it is lovely, it is not nearly as fun as new Kate Spade leather handbag that also arrived that day. 

In the end I learned two important lessons: first, always ask for a tracking number when it comes to designer return addresses, and second, what others offer us can be wonderful, but we offer ourselves should never be overlooked.   I am very happy to be the only shoe girl in Key West carrying a thank you bag from Jimmy Choo, but I am also thrilled to be wearing my new LAMB heels too.  It’s true others may help us find happiness, but it’s good to know that in the end I get the final say—or shoe—in what that happiness is.

 

3 Rules of Employment January 24, 2010

Filed under: Common Sense in Unsensible Shoes — theislandshoegirl @ 9:26 am
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The first step towards a successful career should be taken with fantastic shoes. Photo by Jean Thornton.

When toilets clog, soap dispenser run empty and trash cans overflow, I am the one who hears the cries of those in need of a square of Charmin and answers with the solution to any your bathroom dilemmas.  It may seem odd that a girl who wears $200 Michael Kors’ four-inch wedge tennis shoes with gold trim would freely saunter into a ladies room with a bottle of disinfectant in my left hand and plunger slung over right shoulder.  I have perfected the art of toilet unclogging regardless of how gross it is.  Restaurant patrons turn up their noses and watch in awe as my perfectly manicured nails grip the yellow handle of my faithful plunger.  Within in minutes water is flowing freely in all three stalls and I am the Wonder Woman of modern plumbing problems. 

After watching my latest ‘battle with the bowl’, a customer gives me a sympathetic smile and says, “I bet you hate this part of your job.”  Without hesitation I answer with my best life rule, “Never be too good to use a plunger.”  I triumphantly smash the paper towels deeper in the trash can with my plunger and swing it back over my shoulder, calling out a final, “enjoy your night,” as I exit the bathroom.  I am not a superhero; I simply follow the rules of job success I have learned to respect in all of my various employment roles. 

As a teenager it was changing diapers, in college it was smelly summer campers, and now as an adult, my college education has not relieved me from some of the less enjoyable tasks of life.  No level of education or seniority has given me the golden ticket that allows me to pass off unpleasant jobs to others.  As one might imagine, working with the homeless can sometimes lead to conversations about less enjoyable topics with those in desperate need of a shower.  Thankfully, I was given a few good work rules that keep me humble, employed, and in my place, even when that place means in a flooded dorm room with a water vacuum.   

My father taught me early on that Custodians and Secretaries run every office; they have the keys to everything and the means to make any complication disappear.  Custodians and Secretaries are like the office mafia; you must come to an understanding of their power.  This rule has kept my office trash empty and my coffee safe to drink.  A sincere compliment and a box of doughnuts goes all long way to getting that report finished when your printer jams. 

The next rule is a critical one when supervising another employee: lead by example not by exemption.  This protects them and you.  If you are unwilling to perform a dirty deed as a supervisor, how can you expect a less experienced employee to do it?  And if that less experienced—and most likely lesser paid—employee can do what you can not or will not do, you may soon be asking them to carry your paper box of personal items out the door as your last act as supervisor. 

This brings me to my rule of toilet repair: never be too good to use a toilet plunger.  When a person reaches a place where he or she no longer feels able to face this task, that person is in danger of forgetting that everyone is capable of creating that same mess.  In order to truly make others feel comfortable we have to face challenges of a less pleasurable nature and we have to remember the disasters of our own making.  Yes, once we are too good for the toilet plunger we are only steps away from the self-imposed ignorance that leads to true narcissism.  I plan to never achieve the type of success that makes me too good to use a toilet plunger…but it would be nice if my plunger had a gold-plated handle and maybe came with a matching tennis bracelet.

While these rules may seem simple and basic to many, think of the hoards of unemployed and job searching souls looking for employment.  Have they turned down a position because it seemed to “beneath them” or because they told themselves or allowed others to them they were “over qualified,” which is a lot like having too much money.  Yes, my rules are common sense but they are the key to being successfully employed.  So the next time you pass by the invisible custodian or forget who drops that mail on your desk, just remember you can be just as invisible and just as forgotten.  My toilet plunging skills may not be as impressive as an MBA, but until your MBA can unclog the toilet, step aside for the heroine of the flush.

 

All Good Shoes Go to Heaven November 29, 2009

Filed under: Its All About the Shoes — theislandshoegirl @ 10:13 am
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These heavenly LAMB shoes are guardian angels of the toes. Photo by Jean Thornton

I have a hard time letting go of shoes.  When I was little, I once made my Mom retrieve a pair of shoes I had outgrown and she had passed onto a neighbor’s little girl.  In all fairness, I had worn those shoes in my fashion show debut—they had historical relevance!  Even a grown shoe girl with more than 120 pairs of heels wears out a set every now and the then, not to mention the occasional shoe catastrophe that leads to broken heels or straps.  This leads to the inevitable death of a shoe and the difficult task of mourning and moving on. 

As I glance over my shoes closet, I can see pairs that are losing their luster.  Bows that once held stiff and proud now droop a little.  And paten-leather shows its age with creases and wrinkles from the stress and strain that comes with being worn out.  Sadly, there are no anti-wrinkle creams for stilettos and boots; trust me I have tried every Este Lauder lotion that guarantees overnight results.  The truth of the mater is that no shoe stays new forever; all soles get scuffed and newer shoes come along every season. 

Some shoes stay longer than others; some shoes have a more important a role in our lives leading to a more painful loss.  I find myself avoiding the reality of a shoe death from time to time.  Just the removal from the closet to under-the-bed storage makes me emotional.  I feel like I am telling my shoes I don’t love them as much or that they have been replaced.  I have been told by mothers of human children that you don’t have favorites; I think as a ‘shoe mother’ I understand this.  Yes, some shoes may be more expensive or elicit more compliments, but in the end every shoe has a piece of my soul.  But just like children, sometimes a shoe has to leave the nest… or shoe closet at some point.

I would never promote the idea of a shoe death panel, as that would sound just as silly as one in a national health care plan.  But from time to time I have to weigh the pros, cons, and quality of shoe life left in my more worn-down heels.  Walking around in shoes past their prime can cause more than just damage to a fashion image—it can cause physical damage.  A worn-out stiletto literally caused my downfall and broken toe, and I can assure you retiring my orthopedic boot was not a difficult call at the end of it all! 

So how do we know when a shoe has given us all the height and support it has to offer?  It may show when we strut, but sometimes it’s a feeling too.  No fashion magazine can truly sway me to give up a trendy shoe that I have lived with and loved.  Yet, popular opinion encourages us to plan for the end of our time and the end of our loved one’s time.  If only shoes came with a directive for how they would like to be laid to rest.  How handy would those new Michael Kors’ stilettos be if they could indicate they are okay  with being resoled or having a heel reattached but they do not want any replacement leather straps?

Reviving shoes past their prime and extraordinary measures aside, there comes a time when we must all say good-bye to a good sole.   Even with a Living Will it is never easy, and despite my efforts I have yet to find a funeral home that will hold a tasteful farewell to these fallen heroes of the toes. Leaving the task of burial to me alone, it is not a job I enjoy and I drag it out as long as possible.  If the shoes are on a closet shelf I first move them to the floor; I think of it like end of life care.  Then I put them outside the closet in my ever-evolving pile of things to leave the house.  Finally, I work up the nerve to do the dirty deed and take the final step of slipping them into the trash bag.  Often I have to fight the urge to rip open the bag and dig out my beloved shoes from the mix of broken egg shells and old tea bags.  I have to tell myself that those shoes are going to better place, at least figuratively because in reality they are just going to the county dump. 

It’s true no new shoe can replace a good heel completely, just as no brown strappy sandal can be easily replaced with the next—not after everything that shoe has given you.  And yes, there will be moments when you look back and say “if only that shoe were here, my outfit would be perfect!”  While a new pump can fill the void in our shoe closet, in our hearts the pain of losing a familiar pair that has helped us stand strong may linger.  Over time our mind focuses on only the best moments to remember and we choose to cherish the good times, forgetting any blisters.

 

 
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