At 7am the morning news shows begin to hum with the daily headlines, and following the stories about North Korea’s missile launch practice and the debate over a parent’s right to end their child’s chemotherapy comes the daily update on Jon and Kate Plus 8. You can insert one of the clever headlines here, “Jon & Kate Plus Divorce” or “Jon Plus Date”—at this point we have heard about every combination imaginable. It will surely be only hours until Dr. Phil is weighing in and offers to “get real” with these reality stars. As I flipped channels to escape the body language experts and the television psychologists who were offering professional opinions based solely on edited clips, I question how this fascination began and when will it end.
I guess a large family comprised of multiples is the perfect pitch for a television sitcom, scripted or not. These days numerous family-based reality shows are popping up, from the Duggars, stars of 18 Kids and Counting, to the latest family, the Hayes with their show Table for 12. They all have their share of funny moments, cute kid one liners, and parents dishing out humorous antidotes on how to make it all work. At the end of each show I am left scratching my head and wondering, “so what?” Yes, you have a lot of kids and yes, there are endless piles of laundry to wash and many other stresses of everyday parenting multiplied. These stresses, plus tabloid rumors, are the reasons John and Kate are now admitting they maybe splitting. I just do not think it’s anything new. Maybe that’s because I have a dad who grew up with a role on “Jim & Doris plus 7”, a reality that never made it to the small screen.
I emailed my dad and asked what he thought made Jim & Doris plus 7 a long-lasting relationship. His answer of “love, respect, and acceptance,” was pretty simple but probably all that needed to be said. Long before the days of television—let alone reality television—the unscripted lives of Jim & Doris with a large family did not seem all that unusual; after all Jim came from a family with ten children and Doris from a family with six children. They grew up in the same small town in north central Ohio, were hometown sweet hearts, and married when Doris was 19. For the next 65 years they would be undoubtedly committed to each other and their children until Jim passed away in 2007. My grandparents did not have any multiples, which means yes, my grandma had seven rounds of pregnancy and labor. They had all seven kids without the assistance of any fertility drugs, simply good old-fashioned Catholic values led to this large family.
I called my grandma to get her thoughts on Jon & Kate Plus 8 and her experiences being Jim & Doris plus 7. I told Grandma that I was writing a blog, and then had to explain what a blog was since my grandma is not Internet savvy. Grandma did know about Jon & Kate Plus 8; she said she had seen the show a couple of times and yes, Grandma like the rest of America, knew about their marital problems. I explained to Grandma that I wanted to know more about what it is like to raise a small flock of kids. “Oh, it was wonderful,” Grandma told me. I asked her if she thought it would be harder to have multiples or to do it one at a time, “Oh, multiples would be harder.” I teased that I thought getting all the potty training done at once was a good idea, but Grandma pointed out that she had older kids to help her. I did see her point and agreed that having live-in help could be a plus.
Jim and Doris, like many couples married during World War II, experienced separation and moving away from familiar hometowns. Jim and Doris plus one came back to Ohio after Jim’s military service ended and he returned to the family lumber company. Over the next ten years, Jim worked 6 days a week and Doris had a total of 6 children by the time she was 30. Three of those children came nearly back-to-back. While having multiples may lead to bed rest for months, when I think of my Grandma being pregnant for almost 27 out of 36 months plus caring for the children she already had, it’s enough to make my ankles swell! The last one came ten years after the next to last, and, while some may shutter at starting with diapers all over again, Grandma said it was great because the older kids were so excited for the new baby.
It is understood that 7 children can cause a lot of dirty laundry; I told Grandma that Kate had two clothes washers and two dryers to keep up with her laundry. While my twenty-something mind can only envision our modern day machines, I was shocked by the description of the laundry machine Grandma had. She told me that she had to put all the clothes through the wringer by hand and then line dry. Sorry, Kate, Grandma has points on this one and I promise to never complain about doing laundry again.
Jon and Kate sometimes had celebrity experts come to their house/television show to give them cooking lessons, free food, and even an environmentally friendly home makeover. Grandma told me that no one ever gave them free stuff like that, but she could call her groceries into the store and they would deliver them. I told Grandma that I thought that was pretty impressive, so maybe Kate had it harder if she had to go to the store. The only free vacations Jim & Doris plus 7 got were when they would camp at State Parks. Since camping does not sound like a good time to me, I am adding another check to Grandma’s column.
I wonder if Grandma ever her pictured a life without Grandpa; I was thinking of one particular time in their years together. When their youngest child was still in high school Grandpa had a very bad accident; some shocked timber fell wrong and a large piece of a tree landed on his head. I know it sounds impossible, but it did happen and he did survive. “I never doubted he would get better; he had too many people praying for him. It was a long time before he went back to work, almost a year.” Yeah, that’s right; he went back to work after a tree fell on his head and caused such damage it took a full year for him to recover. Yet, during that time Grandma still had faith that her future was with Grandpa. Helping your spouse recover from a major head injury kind of makes being on the cover of a tabloid seem a little less awful.
Jim and Doris watched all their children grow up and leave home. They eventually went on vacations together all over the world, from Germany to the Holy Land. They danced at all their children’s weddings, welcomed grandchildren and then great-grandchildren. Grandma says it was all good—both the years when it was Jim & Doris plus 7 and the years when it was just Jim and Doris. I witnessed the truest dedication to a partner when my grandma spent years caring for my grandpa during a long illness. True dedication is when you don’t get the series finale you deserve; Doris stayed by Jim’s side and never once complained about how unfair it was.
It seemed to me that Jon & Kate and Jim & Doris both have had their challenges. Multiples or individuals—having numerous children appears to be exhausting no matter how they arrive. I asked Grandma if she ever thought of divorce, “Oh no, never!” Grandma said this as if I had asked her if she ever considered trying out for American Idol. So what it made it work for Jim & Doris plus 7? “Your Grandfather was a good man; I never had to worry.” I know my grandpa would have said the same about Grandma. Grandma said that despite the physical strain of his job and the commitments he had around the home, like mowing the gigantic yard and most likely repairing the damage 7 kids did to a house, Grandpa was an active father for his children and a good husband to Doris. I did not have to ask if Grandma ever got a spa day or if Grandpa ever took a ski weekend to “get away,” but I can understand why any parent might want one.
It can be hard enough keeping track of 120 pairs of shoes, imagine watching all those kids! Photo by Jean Thornton
To the television parents who have decided to let camera crews into your homes, whatever your reasons for allowing them in, those cameras will not destroy your family. What those lenses record is simply what you play out before them. People on glass screens or in glass houses should not throw stones at those cameras, as they can turn against you very quickly. The real
reality is that a family of any size is hard work, and as my dad said it is love, respect, and acceptance that kept his large family strong. I have to add my own thought to that: I don’t think anyone knows the hardest or the best times until they are on the other side of them, but if you can look back at 65 years and call them all “good years” then that may just be something worth watching and, better yet, living.
